Happy Valley

This is the biggest and slickest of Beijing’s amusement parks, with over 40 rides spread over seven themed zones, such as ‘Shangri-La’ and ‘Ant Kingdom’. There’s a hint of the Disneyland approach here, although minus Mickey and friends. But Happy Valley’s rides are the real reason people flock here, with intense thrills offered by the likes of the ‘Extreme Rusher’ – a modern roller coaster that hits 135km/hr and twists through almost-impossible angles. Be prepared to queue – even on a weekday morning, we had to wait over 80 minutes to enjoy that 35-second adrenaline rush.

For those with kids (or a lack of nerves), there are gentler offerings here that have much shorter lines, as well as activities such as face painting (10-30RMB) or cruising the park in a two-person buggy (120RMB/hr). There’s also a carnival, with free special entertainment, running until Sunday 26. Fun for all, then, as long as you don’t mind big crowds.

Shijingshan

If you can’t stand queuing, this is the one for you. If anything, you’ll have the opposite problem here – many of the rides won’t operate until enough people have gathered. There are a couple of decent coasters, including one with a loop-the-loop and a couple of corkscrews, but nothing on the scale or intensity of Happy Valley. Indeed, when we visited, there were more old folk sitting in the shade than there were thrillseekers chasing an adrenaline rush; it’s all pretty tame. Rides such as the ‘Water Canyon’ and ‘Mine Coaster’ lack any sense of danger, while the carousel and dodgems seem to attract more attention than the ‘challenging’ rides.

It’s fair to say that Shijingshan has seen better days, although it remains a good way to introduce younger kids to theme-park thrills, as well as providing a sanctuary to those wanting some peace and quiet.

Happy Magic Water Cube

We’ll wager you don’t spend much time in Fengtai district, but this place is worth the trip. The largest outdoor water park in Beijing, it has twice as many rides as the Olympic Water Cube. The park was packed when we visited, but, unlike Happy Valley, lines are minimal, if not nonexistent. The majority of punters are inexplicably drawn to the fake concrete beach and wave pool.

Leave the lazy river and small pools to others and head straight for the thrills offered by the multitude of chutes. Highlights include the oversized ‘Tornado’, where you plunge down a funnel-shaped flume, and the ridiculous open-pipe vertical drop of the ‘Plummet Bodyslide’. Ignore the unappealing industrial surroundings – not to mention the Thai-prison atmosphere of the changing rooms – and prepare yourself for a fun-filled day worth splashing out on.

Crab Island

Crab Island is a curious out-of-town resort known for its fake beach (and for hosting this year’s INTRO music festival). But there’s an amusement park, too, with 17 rides. From a swinging pirate ship and a splash-tastic water flume for kids, to a sprinkling of more aggressive options for grown-ups – such as an 880m-long coaster, and a spinning disc of death, à la Happy Valley’s ‘Apollo Wheel’ – it’s got all your basics covered. We mistakenly mistimed our visit with Children’s Day in China, so there were hordes of kids scampering around (no queues for the scarier rides, though).

Whether that’s the norm is hard to say, although it might be for the best – Crab Island could feel a little sad were you to find it deserted. Still, for just 88RMB to try every single one of its rides, and with very little waiting involved, this is a frugal funster’s dream – just don’t expect any glamour.

Water Cube

The decision to turn the National Aquatics Centre into a water park was an inspired one. The site of Phelps’s feats is now home to a number of slides and rides, a shallow pool area for little ones (complete with small wave machine) and a lazy river, all within 12,000sqm (the Olympic training pool remains for those who prefer swimming). On the weekday we visited, it was fairly full – but mainly with families lolling around in the shallows; there were few queues, if any, for the excellent rides.

Highlights include riding a two-seater inflatable around and down a giant ‘plug hole’ (the ‘Bulletbowl’), and the ‘Tornado’, a four-seater mini dinghy that falls from a great height onto the flooded walls of an oversized half-pipe. The food isn’t great (12RMB for four chicken nuggets of such poor quality, they’d reduce Ronald McDonald to tears), but you’ll be too busy repeating the park’s best chutes to care.