Etiquette

* Don’t lose your temper.

* If you’re invited to a home, bring a present like fruit, sweets or tea. Avoid giving clocks or pears! (see below).

* The floor is seen as dirty, don’t sit on it, if you want to, put newspaper down.

* Use your common sense- if someone doesn’t seem to like a certain topic of conversation, don’t force the issue.

* Take care not to criticize people too harshly in front of others.

* Don’t expect vast amounts of privacy – there’s not enough space for it!

* Try not to worry about people spitting, they are not doing it to insult you.

Cultural Misunderstandings!

Most people who haven’t been to China imagine a country with very complex, formal etiquette. Then when they visit China they come away with the impression that Chinese people are rather rude! The true situation is that Chinese people are just like any others- friendly and open once you get to know them, more careful when you first meet.

One of the first things a visitor may note is the areas of conversation that are and are not taboo. It’s perfectly acceptable to ask someone you don't know very well if they’re married, and if not why not. The same applies to the question of children. On the other hand, Chinese people tend to stray away from more in depth conversations about relationships, and questions of politics. The reluctance to discuss politics is not only a consequence of China's recent history, but is something also present, although to a lesser extent, in the greater Chinese diaspora. It stems from the Confucian ideas of respect for elders and rulers, and the tradition or ideal of rule by scholars and educated people.

When foreigners first visit China, not understanding a word of Chinese, it’s easy to think of Chinese people as loud, brusque and argumentative. It’s true Chinese people seem to talk louder than everyone else, but apart from that, all of these things are cultural misunderstandings, and here’s why:

The English word ‘polite’ is usually translated into one of two ways. The first word is Lĭmào (礼貌). This is an admirable trait, to not be lĭmào is deplorable. The other word is kèqi (客气). Kèqi means polite, but to be kèqi is not a good thing. Kèqi implies that by being polite, someone is hiding their true feelings and thus keeping a distance between the two of you – and what could be more terrible than that? Ideally, you want to be very lĭmào, but not at all kèqi, admittedly a difficult tightrope to walk.

Where a Westerner in China may think a Chinese person is being brusque, they are actually just avoiding excessive kèqi. As Chinese people become closer friends, so they drop the kèqi, to the extent that it’s perfectly acceptable for good friends to make the most frankly critical remarks to each other’s faces. This is not being rude, it’s a sign of trust.

If your Chinese friend doesn’t say please and thank you very much, it’s not because they’re not grateful, but because they don’t want to appear obsequious. They wouldn’t think twice about passing you the soy sauce, so why should you say thank you when they do it? If two people on the next table appear to be having a blazing row, they’re not. To genuinely lose one’s temper in public would be an utterly shameful act. Those people are simply enjoying a bit of banter, exchanging opinions, not being kèqi, and all at the volume that Chinese people like to talk at. A noisy mealtable is, incidentally, a happy one. If everyone’s really quiet, the host will probably try to jolly things up a bit with a few raucous, gregarious toasts.