Mothers-in-law have been a source of humor for us in the West for years now. We make fun of the stereotypical mother-in-law, who is usually portrayed as a human pit-bull -- vicious, aggressive and controlling. However, for whatever reason a lot of this view has become outdated and a very poor stereotype. Some still complain about their in-laws but most of us, if we complain, are more likely to do it about our parents than our mother-in-law.

In China, as you learn in only a short time here, the mother-in-law (popo) is known universally to be tough and controlling, particularly to her daughter-in-law (xifu). We’re not talking about an outdated stereotype; most Chinese will assure you it is quite true. This mother-in-law relationship is called “poxi guanxi” and has its roots in traditional family relationships. Since the son is the supporter of the elder family, it is his mother who moves in, at least temporarily, with the newly married couple. It is also she who has high authority over the household, and naturally over the daughter-in-law.

This sometimes results in the horror stories you may hear, the ones about the popo who is bossy at best and cruel at worst. Very often emotional issues get thrown into the family mix and the mother-in-law’s relationship becomes an emotional vendetta. This could be because of fear of losing her son, anger at the daughter-in-law for not having male children or just simple meanness.

To give you a more specific idea of what difficulties occur, I’ve gotten together some first and second-hand stories about the poxi guanxi relationship that cast some light on how it affects the home. Granted, most of this material comes from the daughter-in-law or parties sympathetic to her, so if I have not given the mother-in-laws their day in court, I do apologize.